Monday, June 9, 2014

Gambling is now officially an addiction?

When I first started blogging I was trying to figure out what the HELL happened to me.

The lying, cheating, stealing woman I had become was so far from who I really was or anything that I'd ever done.

I was a stranger to myself.

In the midst of my gambling, I couldn't see it... I mean, I was aware that I was lying and cheating and stealing and neglecting my loved ones... but my brain was making all sorts of justifications for it.

You know.

Anyway... once I acknowledged that I wasn't OK... I was trying to figure out HOW this happened?  It was insane.

ANDDDD... I needed to know that I could get better.

Could I?

I was told will power wasn't enough.

If WANTING to get better isn't enough.... then WHAT IS?
What do I do?
Can I do it?
Has anyone?

Then I started finding information... AND I was referred to a Dr., who taught me that I had a BRAIN problem.....

I spent lots of time researching that... and withdrawing.... and trying to LIVE WITHOUT GAMBLING.

And eventually I got to a point where I don't NEED to be online hours every day... trying to get better.

I'm better.

Which means I get to LIVE.

Does 'being better' mean that I can gamble now?
For me, it means it doesn't matter... I don't want to (and I'm sure I cannot, by the way).

It's still a part of who I am.... this happened to me, and it was HUGE... I gambled away too many years and more money than I can count.... I shall not forget.  ever.

But I don't know what's going on anymore.
I don't google it.
Don't follow the news.

I'm doing other things.

So someone commented on my previous blog and  shared  an interesting article published in Scientific American in October 2013 which states that as of May 2013 Pathological gambling has been moved to the Addictions chapter in the DSM-5 (previously it was classified as an 'impulse-control disorder')

Thank you, quiet, for sharing that.

And to you, dear reader.
You are not bad.
You are not stupid.
You are not weak.
You are not alone.