Resignation

So I've mentioned my friend before...the one that emails out the 'gift of the day'.

Yesterday's gift starts out this way:

Today I'll try to settle for less than I wish were possible, and be willing to not only accept it but to appreciate it. Today, I'll not expect too much of anyone - especially myself. I'll try to remember that contentment comes from gratefully accepting the good that comes to us, and not from being furious at life because it's not "better." Do I realize the difference between resignation and realistic acceptance?

The difference between resignation and realistic acceptance.

Yeah-

often..when people 'slip'...what I think I hear from them is not 'acceptance'...it is resignation "I am a compulsive gambler, I have a disease"

and while that may very well be true....that attitude almost ensures failure.

I mean
I acknowledge that I am a cg...and I believe it's an illness....or a 'disease', if you will...but I DON"T think that label necessarily means I will gamble again.
In fact...knowing that that label applies...makes me diligent in my efforts to remain free.

but
if something happens, and i ever do fall back into it...
wow
i imagine i would be pretty hard on myself....once again 'how could i have?' blah blah blah

but that sort of thinking...shame....keeps us from the help that we need...keeps us from reaching out...keeps us feeling isolated and alone...and hopeless.

but it's not just with relapse....this is an issue for me in my efforts to 'recover'.

since recovery, to me, is not stopping gambling...it is an effort to live a responsible, honorable life.

and i'm back to...I *KNOW* what i need to do....I just don't often do it.

I've got a half dozen phone calls that I should've made weeks ago.

I've got a list as long as my arm.

only

I haven't got a LIST, really.

haven't written it down.

i have said over and over again that I am much more productive when I have one, yet I don't do it.

and I don't get all of my 'stuff' done.

soooooooo

with regards to resignation vs. realistic acceptance...

I can 'beat myself up about it'
or
I can decide 'whats the use...I'm never gonna get my sh*t together'
or
I can decide that I'm perfectly imperfect.
and it's not 'OK' that I don't do what I know I need to do...(resignation)...but...that this is a process....and I'm still working towards being who I need to be....one small step at a time.