to REALLY quit....

Making the decision to quit...to REALLY quit...to just be done with it...is necessary for success.

For me...thinking that 'I might gamble at any time...under the right set of circumstances'...just wasn't the best way to go about it.

I am done.
I know that there is a voice in my head that may start speaking to me again....at a time when I am hurting or grieving....saying things like 'it doesn't matter...I deserve it...' blah blah blah
I know that could happen....but I must be absolute in the belief that I won't listen...I won't gamble.

I know the hell it will bring me to...and I know how difficult it was to break free....and if I ever FORGET what that hell was like....or how hard it was to stop....all I have to do is go to gamcare site and start reading some of the Newcomer Introductions. that brings it all back pretty quickly.

as a matter of fact....if i had a formal relapse plan...that would be one of the first things on my list to do if I began entertaining the idea of gambling.

I know it's not easy to decide to 'be done'....and I couldn't do it alone...I needed a lot of encouragement...and I needed an alternative to gambling.....for me...that was the chat room at safe harbor....I spent many hours a day there.

and when the chat room was empty...I would read and post at gamcare.

On more than one occasion people suggested that I had transferred my addiction from gambling to being online. I would not have argued that point....I just knew that...what I was spending my time doing online was learning how to help myself....learning about my addiction and how to overcome it......and even if spending all that time on my pc was bad for me...it was a helluva lot better than gambling....and if i didn't do this....i would likely be doing that.

turns out.....my time on the pc wasn't an addiction after all.....yes, it was excessive...but it was what i needed at the time....I never did DECIDE...'ok...too much time at the pc....i should try to do something else with my time'....it was not a conscious thing.....and it was slow....more and more...I was ok without it....and engaged myself more and more in my 'real' life.

i grew up.

The GA Combo book says that one of the characteristics of a compulsive gambler is immaturity.

I didn't relate to that for a long time....but in many ways I was immature.

Learning to be an adult...and to trust myself....like everything else, has been a 'process'.

none of this happens overnight.

but...none of this can happen at all.....if we continue to gamble.

and.....when i was gambling....i didn't care about any of this stuff anyway....