It's the little things.....

Many years ago I read a self help book that talked about priorities....

it asked the reader to list all of their 'roles' (mother, sister, wife, employee)
then....to grade yourself on each of them...how well do you think you're doing in that particular role.

then....
it asked to rate each one with it's level of importance....most important (to you)...#1, next important #2, and so on.

Mine were a little shocking.
I mean...I shouldn't have really been surprised...but there it was, in black and white.

I was working many many hours in those days....at the top of my career.

I had two young children at home.....
and my mom was dying....

when I was grading myself.....the amount of TIME I dedicated to each of my roles was clearly a factor in how well I thought I was doing.

I graded myself, that particular day, very highly as an employee...a career-woman

but....that was not my top priority.

the book went on to talk about HOW that happens.....

we don't make BIG choices usually....we don't KNOWINGLY choose to elevate something that's less important...

it's the little bitty choices that we make
that add up.

if my child wants to go to the park (in the days when they still wanted to do things with me!)....and it's a work day....I can't.

but on occasion.....my child might REALLY want me to be there....and work might not be THAT critical that particular day.....and I'd just do it.

it was a matter of asking myself, often, what is REALLY the most important thing here?
obviously....work is important.....and it often had to be priority (ya gotta eat!)...

but not EVERY time.....
and when I began making the most important choices EVERY TIME I COULD.....it made it easier (no guilt).....when I really COULDN'T.

In recovery I've learned that the same idea works in all parts of our lives.

we can't wake up one day and say "OK...I will be honest from now on" and expect everyone to now trust us....

we BECOME honest or trustworthy or ________(fill in the blank)______ by making the right choices...every LITTLE time we have a choice to make.....by doing the NEXT right thing....the next most IMPORTANT thing....now...and then again ....and again.....and it builds...and it grows....and before you know it....those little choices all add up to be who we are.....
and our energies are spent on the things (and the people) most important to us :)