Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Can a Compulsive Gambler Ever Win?

I won a lot when I was gambling.

One day I left the casino having hit three large jackpots...
I had three tax forms in my purse-but I had to stop at the bank on the way home to get money.

How could I go home and say "here, I have these forms...but, no, I don't have enough money to pick up a gallon of milk?"

My problem was, when I was gambling, if I was losing, I couldn't stop....I had to win 'my money' back....and if I was winning, I couldn't stop (I could AFFORD to play now!).

sometimes I left with a big wad of cash in my purse.

often I did, as a matter of fact.

but that only meant I could return later --- start the madness all over again.

I often hear compulsive gamblers talk about how stupid gambling is because 'we can't win'.

oh...I could win alright.

I could win plenty.

I just couldn't KEEP what I'd won.

that's because....what I REALLY wanted to do was to keep pushing the button pushing the button pushing the button pushing the button.

for me, the cost was much higher than the money.

There's a gambling addiction counselor with some videos on u-tube that talks about a lady who first came to see him after she'd just won a large sum of money...she came to him for help...she needed to stop now...while she was ahead.

Part 1: Problem Gambling Awareness

Part 2: Problem Gambling Awareness

Part 3: Problem Gambling Awareness

I began gambling again after several years of freedom from the cycle.

The first time I stopped it was because I had dug a deep family was in financial crisis due to my gambling.

Then I gambled for a few years in secret....I was able to conceal my losses.

This time...I didn't stop because my husband was angry and I might lose my family...I didn't stop because we were in debt and I didn't have access to money....this time I stopped because I knew what was 'wrong' with me...I knew how to fix it...I knew I COULD stop (I'd done it before)....and I hated the way I was living...who I had become (again).

This time, I stopped because I want to live.

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