Mood Swings...again

I want to talk some more about those mood swings.

Once we finally break free from the cycle, many of us experience a type of euphoria….I have heard some folks in g.a. refer to it as the ‘pink cloud’ and I have heard someone else call it ‘God’s grace’…whatever it is…when one has it…it is just…it is wonderful.

The sky looks bluer – the grass greener…everything and everyone is so BEAUTIFUL!! How did we not see it before?

And we KNOW that the addiction is behind us…we have seen the light….life is good…and we want to embrace it, to LIVE it…we have discovered that we actually CAN be happy…even tho we may still have consequences to face….we want to live.

I was fortunate enough to be experiencing that during the Thanksgiving Holiday a few years ago and it was the most amazing day I have ever had….

I usually have Thanksgiving dinner at my house…both my family and my husbands family attend…many people are here and it can be very stressful.

But not that day.

I was just so full of joy….I remember someone dropped and broke a bottle of red wine vinegar…now ordinarily I would freak….but….I just said…”I have my hands full..can someone else take care of that for me?” that was it. No drama….no anxiety…I was at peace…for maybe the first time in my life.

Whenever my friends are experiencing this for the first time, I try to tell them that…it is good..it is WONDERFUL..and to enjoy it, of course…but..to be prepared…for the ‘crash’.

Usually they don’t listen. LOL

Who wants to hear that?? Besides…how could it possibly end? Of COURSE it won’t…it is their ‘new’ state…it is their ‘post-gambling’ way.

Well…hopefully that is true….but…it has been MY experience that that peace and joy can not be sustained at THAT intensity.

And….often..when we DO ‘crash’…it is sudden…without warning, and can be quite disturbing…we feel off-center…not whole…not ok.…maybe not depressed or DOWN…but that, too, is possible.

It’s important to know that this TOO is temporary.

It appears to be some sort of winding-down process…after all, we’ve cycled through highs and lows for a long time while we were active in the addiction.

The first time I experienced it…I did not LIKE it..and I wanted to be OK again..even if I couldn’t be on that ‘pink cloud’ I wanted the yucky feelings to go away.

But then…that’s a part of who I am…that is why I became an addict to begin with…wanting the yucky feelings to go away.

Learning how to BE with them….to sit quietly…or to go about my day..but to just let the feelings happen….

Sadness…a great deal of anxiety is what I experienced…..and confusion.

It’s just feelings.

It’s OK.

Try to relax…to quiet the mind….and if you need to…reach out…talk to someone….tell someone how you are feeling….find a SAFE place to share….

Find ways to deal with these feelings rather than to numb them.

Self-medicating may seem like a solution…but it hasn’t really worked for us in the past…not long term anyway….

A new way of thinking and living…..it’s really not about gambling at all.

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