Mother's day is coming.....

The other day I heard someone say that Mother's day falls on May 10th this year.

That's the 13th anniversary of my mother's death.

The year that she died, May 10th fell on a Friday and Mother's Day was two days later.

it was a tough day.

When February rolled around the next year...I was nervous...anticipating her birthday...figured it'd be painful....but it came and went...it was OK....then...in April...when MY birthday came...I was devastated.

It was my first birthday without Mom.

thing is....I never once considered that it might be a hard day....it caught me off guard.

The following year...as my birthday approached...I prepared myself...knowing it would be hard...

but it wasn't?

it's like...preparing for the pain actually prevented it?

anyway....

these past 13 years....every time that I anticipated heartache....knowing that some signigicant day was coming...when the day came, I was ok...and on a few occasions....I didn't give it a thought...and missed her terribly....

the combo book, talks about relapsing "when caught off guard and under the right set of circumstances"

so....I try NOT to be caught off guard.....

so May 10th is coming.
I'm not worried....but I am aware.
I will miss her....but I will celebrate....
and I will be ok

I continue to discover these things...to pay attention and make note of what works for me....and what doesn't.....and use that information in the future.