Monday, May 12, 2014

One is too many....

So I was browsing old blog entries and I saw where I wrote about dual addiction (and smoking) on Jan 2, 2013.

I'm sad to say I'm struggling to quit smoking, yet again.

I started as a teen... then, in my 20's, I quit.

I stayed quit for seven years.

Then... in the final weeks of my mothers' life... I picked it back up again.

And smoked for years...again.

Then, in 2012, I finally freed myself.

And I stayed free for over a year.

Then... last summer... I did a stupid thing.

and I couldn't stop.

It's crazy... because I was soooo happy to be free of it.
It's a nasty thing to do... I know this.  And it's harmful in many ways, blah blah blah

yet I smoke.

I have decided I'm going to quit this week.
I'm going on a trip this weekend with non-smokers, so it should be easy.  (easier).

So I decided that when I finished the pack I was smoking, I was done.

But I was out this morning and I bought another.


So, I've finally come to accept that I am NOT one of those people who can just 'have a cigarette or two' when they are drinking... I am addicted to nicotine.... and if I pick up a cigarette, I fall right back into my addiction.

So now I must quit again.

I know I can.
I have done it before.

I also know that it's a mind game.
I need to decide to choose that I am really really done.
and be done.
and do whatever I need to do to stay done.

Hell, if I can quit gambling, I can quit anything.  Yes?

I don't ever want to have to quit again.
Not smoking... ESPECIALLY not gambling.

"One is too many and a hundred's not enough."

1 comment:

Grace Watson said...

I admire your will to keep trying. Truly, you're inspiring - you haven't given up, and you won't until you kick the habit. Just wanted to let you know that I read your post and was impressed. You've got this!
Grace Watson | http://www.addictionsrecovery.org/services/programs