Monday, June 9, 2014

Gambling is now officially an addiction?

When I first started blogging I was trying to figure out what the HELL happened to me.

The lying, cheating, stealing woman I had become was so far from who I really was or anything that I'd ever done.

I was a stranger to myself.

In the midst of my gambling, I couldn't see it... I mean, I was aware that I was lying and cheating and stealing and neglecting my loved ones... but my brain was making all sorts of justifications for it.

You know.

Anyway... once I acknowledged that I wasn't OK... I was trying to figure out HOW this happened?  It was insane.

ANDDDD... I needed to know that I could get better.

Could I?

I was told will power wasn't enough.

If WANTING to get better isn't enough.... then WHAT IS?
What do I do?
Can I do it?
Has anyone?

Then I started finding information... AND I was referred to a Dr., who taught me that I had a BRAIN problem.....

I spent lots of time researching that... and withdrawing.... and trying to LIVE WITHOUT GAMBLING.

And eventually I got to a point where I don't NEED to be online hours every day... trying to get better.

I'm better.

Which means I get to LIVE.

Does 'being better' mean that I can gamble now?
For me, it means it doesn't matter... I don't want to (and I'm sure I cannot, by the way).

It's still a part of who I am.... this happened to me, and it was HUGE... I gambled away too many years and more money than I can count.... I shall not forget.  ever.

But I don't know what's going on anymore.
I don't google it.
Don't follow the news.

I'm doing other things.

So someone commented on my previous blog and  shared  an interesting article published in Scientific American in October 2013 which states that as of May 2013 Pathological gambling has been moved to the Addictions chapter in the DSM-5 (previously it was classified as an 'impulse-control disorder')

Thank you, quiet, for sharing that.

And to you, dear reader.
You are not bad.
You are not stupid.
You are not weak.
You are not alone.



joolsem said...

Thanks for this. i wasnt so strong and each day thought today is the day it stops but then pulled in again. felt so weak and thought i had ruined my life. marriage, work all suffered.
then i did download ebook- hypnosis help guide. too 10 to listen to programme and one week on dont even thick about it. i may creep back but i feel stronger and will use tool when ever possible.

40yroldPOS said...

I have always known I had this problem. I wanted help, however never took the steps myself to get it. Now I fear it is too late for my marriage. The truth shall set you free is not always the truth. I wanted to talk to my husband about my problem, but feared I would lose him. Now after countless lies and spending out of my means. It has all caught up with me. Do I need to attend programs, or is it possible to do this self help on line, and kick this nasty habit once and for all. Any advice would be of great help. I am at my rock bottom, and fear I wont get back up.

Unknown said...

I came across your blog. Thank you for sharing, your blog is very easy read and experiences I can connect with...

I also realised you too mentioned in your blog and same article, in DMS-5, pathological gambling being classified under addictive disorders. I like research because I am a research student and naturally research about why I was addicted to gambling.

I share some of my experiences, stories and interesting articles, if you'd like, please feel free to visit my blog at:

Unknown said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

so lost with my life n have gambled more than I can afford, reading
your blog as been good its all the things Im try to workout in my head
right now and how i will get my head around re paying n getting my life
on track. :) NZ

Peg said...

Sadly, many marriages do not make it through this. I was almost certain I'd lose mine (we are better-than-ever)... The only thing you CAN do is keep doing the next right thing... I recommend joining some sort of recovery group... I learned so much from others.
Much love to you. Xo

Unknown said...

I can defiantly see why they would officially go out and say it's an addiction. My uncle has been gambling for most of his life, and I honestly don't think he'll ever give it up. I don't blame him though, I can see why it would be addicting.