Saturday, August 14, 2010

Sharing that I'm a CG

When I first sought help for my gambling problem I was full of shame.

I had hurt my family.

I was out of control.

My thinking didn't make any sense (I didn't know any other young mothers who were watching the clock Christmas (every holiday) morning....anxious to go to the casino with the other family members who wanted to gamble.)

I didn't know any other mothers who couldn't go to the grocery store without stopping someplace to play video poker for a few minutes (which sometimes turned into hours).

Even if I wasn't so embarrassed about on earth could I explain this to my friends (the few I still had).

At first, I shared this only with family members.
I had to do that..since many of them gamble...I needed them to know that I would no longer be going and why.

with time, I began sharing it with others...people who care about me....who would continue to care about me even if I had a gambling problem :)

the more people that knew, the safer i was.

but it's more than that.....
harboring a SECRET is painful.....
and keeping a secret makes it SEEM like it's shameful.

so now, it's something that I share freely.

my children didn't know for many years...but now I speak openly to them about it.

I am often surprised at how freely my husband shares this information...even with business associates....

I would think I might be embarrassed to tell someone that my spouse had a gambling problem.

he's not.

I'm not embarrassed about it anymore either.
Time heals I suppose.....

and I guess I care what people think of me a lot less than I used to.

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