Extremes

I was talking with a friend the other day...about how we are extremists.

well...maybe YOU aren't...but my friend and I are....and it would appear that many people in recovery are as well.

I've been this way my whole life...not just with gambling (cuz I sure did gamble to the extreme!)....for example...

if, for some reason, I suddenly needed...i dunno...a rug....I would find out everything there is to know about rugs...I would know all of the terminology around rugs...that there is a difference between 'handmade' and 'hand knotted'...and I would be pretty much...well...consumed with rugs...and...excited even.

Usually...these things are short-lived.

Anyway.....if I decide to do something....I get excited about it and I'm 'all in'.

Actually...that's one reason that in 2002 when I found g.a. and started reading....once I realized that....without God...I was basically doomed (to a life of gambling, I mean)....I thought I was pretty screwed....for a few reasons...

first of all...I didn't really believe in God.
and
I really didn't want to.
cuz...I sort of knew that....if I was gonna believe in this...then I was gonna do it all-out....like I do everything...
I mean...as much as religous zealots ummmmm rub me the wrong way....I sort of 'get it'....

If I really believed..with all of my heart that if I did this and this and that....that I would live eternity in bliss....and that...whoever DIDN'T...was gonna burn in hell...in unimaginable and unending pain...torture....well...I don't want that for anyone....and...if I knew how to avoid that fate...I would want to ...well...'save' them...right?

so yeah...I get it.
as irritated as I get when people try to 'save' me...lol...I do get it.

where was I anyway?
oh yeah--- if I do something...I am 'all in'....

and if it's actually 'doing' something...I'm gonna be the BEST at doing it...give it all I've got...

in talking to this friend the other day....it sort of seems like...many people...go from one extreme to the other....doing/thinking/living nothing but gambling (or drinking or drugging or whatever).....and THEN....once they are able to break free.... they (we) are 'consumed' with 'recovery'....

I'm not bashing that...not at all...I mean....the extreme of living in addiction is.....extremely bad...... and if one finds a way out of that.....and is even REMOTELY happy....well...good for them.....for some people...I imagine...being 'extreme' in recovery....is the only way they don't end up back at the other extreme (using/gambling).

but

for me....'recovering' means a lot of changes....

one of those changes has to be (for me)....finding balance.
in everything.