In and out of this

I know lots of people with a gambling addiction.

It's so hard to break free from this.

Sometimes.....once we are free....we truly FEEL free...we KNOW we don't want to gamble again...we are happy to be out of the hell...we are confident and strong.

Sometimes we decide to experiment...

or....maybe we are angry or frustrated or grieving.....and we just don't care....

or.....maybe we do it without even really thinking much about it at all...it doesn't seem like it's that big of a deal.

Often....one 'episode' is the beginning of yet another descent...the out of control spiral.

It's so easy to fall into and so difficult to get out of.

The first time we stop gambling...we are usually filled with shame...for having been so out of control...for our behavior...lies...the money that we blew...the waste of time.

If we fall back into the cycle after some period of abstinence...we have the shame of 'going back' on top of that.

I do not believe that relapse has to be a part of recovery....it is not necessary to relapse....but....if we do.....the best thing we can do for ourselves is to rech out...for help.

It's hard for me to do that.

to admit I need help.

some people 'slip' and get right back into recovery...get right back to a meeting or call someone...or SOMEHOW reach out for help.

others....like me.....are unable to do that.

I continued to gamble for two more years.

As much shame as I felt...a part of me didn't want to quit....I sort of knew that...when I DID quit again....it would be for a long time....so I wanted to 'get it out of my system'.

it's lies...it's all lies.
our mind....tells us all sorts of things when we are caught up in this.

when i was gambling, all i could see was me.
my pain.
my situation.
my stupidity.
my need to continue gambling.

In the very early days...gambling was fun, exciting....pleasurable.

Once we get to the point that gambling causes us pain....I don't know if it's ever really 'fun' again.
we may want to do it.
we may have a hard time stopping.
but are we really enjoying it??

there are times, when i was gambling that i might've said yes --but that, too, was an illusion...a lie.

If you are currently free from the cycle....I encourage you to make changes in your life that will assist you in staying free .....and in finding happiness.

If you are currently gambling.....much love to you....you don't have to be alone.

reach out...to someone...somewhere....alone is too lonely.