Thursday, December 4, 2008

Helping others can help us.

I can't imagine the state I'd be in right now if it weren't for 'recovery'.

I'm not the master of serenity by any means.

Far from it.

But for someone who has always made mountains out of mole hills...
now....being faced with mountains...well...I'm handling them much better than I have handled mole hills in the past.

I'm doing ok....

you know?

I have a friend who is having some problems with her son at the an email she wrote me last night...she said "and they haven't even contacted me yet...I guess by now they know that I'm a deadbeat mom".

my heart broke for her....because of course, she isn't.

I've been thinking a lot lately about what is it that I'm REALLY upset about....yeah....lots of it is valid...but....part of my being upset is about what other people think.

i know that it isn't important....but that isn't really helpful in ridding myself of it.
not yet anyway.

but i wrote to our children are separate from us....we bore them, we help them to become who they are...but we are not them....and we cannot take responsibility for what they do...
why do we feel shame for what some OTHER human being does?

anyway...i went on and on....and I made MYSELF feel a whole lot better in the process.

I think I needed to hear some of what I had to say.

This is helpful in 'our' little corner of the world too.....compulsive gamblers, I mean.

No way I could write you an email....all about not gambling...then go out and gamble myself.

so....when I state a case to YOU...I'm also reinforcing it for myself.

a few months ago, when I wanted to gamble, the friend that helped me through that day was still in the cycle.

but isn't any more.

i think that day...talking me through MY stuff....made an impact in THIER thinking.

so I guess what I'm learning is...when I'm in pain...or I need help....I need to find a way to look outside of myself.....and help someone else.

By helping others, I really do help myself.

Go figure....all of those 'sayings' that I've heard all my life.....I am finally beginning to see the truth in them.


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