Life goes on

So I've come to believe that everything happens for a reason.

there are no accidents.

I see how we make 'ripple's in one another's lives.

I'm sure that I have met people that I do not even remember meeting, that I have made an impact on.....as I know that many people have affected me in major ways...and will never know.

I wonder if this gambling thing....if all of this happened to me....so that I could learn some of the lessons I have...or maybe..that was just a nice 'side-effect'....the possibility exists, I suppose, that I had to go thru this so that I would end up meeting some of the friends I now have...that I would not otherwise have known....or simply so that I could understand addiction...so that I would write this blog...or maybe because...in the future things will happen in my life...and this experience will have prepared me.

who knows.

I know that....I have shared some of my 'stuff' with people in my 'real' life...sometimes...on a whim...for no 'good' reason...sometimes with people I barely know....and some remarkable things have happened because of it....some of those people have then shared thier own 'stuff' with me...feeling 'safe' because of what I'd told them....and sometimes 'relief' at finally having someone to talk to.

So........

these things that are happening in my life right now......

as much pain as I'm in....already I can see lessons...or 'reasons'.....

I used to think that if I were a great mother (which I am) that I would end up with the children I wanted...or 'deserved'.....which also means...if YOUR kids were not so great..or were 'troubled'.....I assumed you could've done something better....or that *I* could've done better.

or

how about the fact that I come here....being the cheerleader....'you can do this'...'life can be good'....'you can be happy'......
maybe I'd forgotten how far away that can FEEL sometimes...how difficult it is to believe.... I *KNOW* that it's true...but still....it doesn't really help me through the moment very much.

but

sometimes....things happen...and I DON'T GET TO KNOW the reason.

maybe.....sometimes things happen...and I am AFFECTED...but the lesson or the 'reason' has nothing at all to do with me.

There is no doubt that 'recovery' is much easier when things are going well...when life is easy.

it is when life is hard....when we are in pain...when we want to fall apart when 'recovery' truly GIVES us something.

I don't feel much like myself....I don't want to cheer right now...sometimes I just want to run away...to quit.

but I know.....that this, too, shall pass.

in 100 short years...most of the people on the planet today will not even exist....

as big as this seems right now....it is temporary...

there will be joy again.
and then there will be more pain...for some completely different reason.
then joy
then pain

and life will go on.