Thursday, November 27, 2008


Thanksgiving day, 2006 was one of the happiest days I remember.


Not for any particular reason....maybe the 'pink cloud' of recovery? it was just an amazing day.

I had been gamble free for just under a month...but I *KNEW* that things were different.

*I* was different.

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday.
I cook.
We have tons of guests. much as I enjoy doing is a stress-filled day for me.

But not that one.

It was maybe the first time I had ever felt


for no particular reason.

I knew that it would pass...and I wanted, so badly, to hang onto the was...almost ecstasy....difficult to explain...I have not felt this way before...or since.

but even the memory of the feeling soothes me.

It strikes me that..the peace I felt that day was not something that I FOUND or due to anything that i was something that HAPPENED to FOUND ME.

I imagine I will not spend another Thanksgiving...that I won't think about that I felt.....that wonderful, ordinary Thanksgiving day.

I don't 'count days'...but I just went to this 'clean time calculator'

and today...I am especially thankful for the past 758 days...where....I have actually experienced whatever it is that has happened in my life....the good...the bad and the ugly.

Happy Thanksgiving,

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