Wednesday, November 5, 2008

More on Mood swings

I sort of bounce around here...sometimes talking about the pain that gambling causes and the difficulty in stopping....and sometimes talking about dealing with life afterwards.

i want to talk about something that i've discussed several times before....and that is mood swings.

i still experience them from time to time, although they are very different from my early days of recovery...and occur much less frequently.

but those early days....
i sometimes forget how difficult it bad i sometimes felt...until someone sends me an email that brings it all back....

there was so much misery...i sometimes felt as if i was drowning in it and that i couldn't ever feel better just didn't seem possible.

of course, i did....after some period of time i WOULD feel better...great even...better than great sometimes....then....inevitably...i would find myself in a dark place again.

sometimes, something would happen that would initiate the change in me..sometimes it seemed to happen for no particular reason at all.

it still works that way.

even now
knowing all of this
knowing that it's 'normal'
knowing that it will come...then it will end

isn't helpful when i'm in it.'s difficult to 'know' that THIS time it will really BELIEVE it.

it's so important to not be alone during these times....our tendency is to isolate but that can intensify the darkness.

it's times like this that often we gamble....thinking...what does it matter anyway? or....perhaps...just looking for some relief (escape the feelings of doom)

understanding that gambling had really whacked out the chemicals in my brain was one d*mn good reason for me to choose not to gamble, even during these times...knowing that....gambling may offer some short term relief...but there would be consequences...real ones....not the least of which is the fact that i would be whacking out my brain chemistry even more....which would drag this misery on

they do get better
it takes time
and it isn't easy to get thru them
it's especially difficult to do alone.

we don't have to be alone.
you don't have to be alone.

reach out to someone...create an anonymous email address and post on a forum....

i remember ....years my therapists office..when I was gambling...and in misery...she asked "what can Peg do to help herself?"

I sat there.
and thinking
and then i said

and i couldn't
and i didn't for a long long time.


nothing changes if nothing changes.


You may also be interested in:
Mood Swings
Depression and Anxiety
On Being Needy
Mood Swings...Again
Which Life?
The Blues

Take care of you. xo

No comments: