Friday, April 10, 2009

A gambling family

My sister-in-law and her family are in town for Easter.

We're a very close family and do everything together.

or we used to.

Monday and Tuesday night she and her husband.....and my brother-in-law and his wife have hotel rooms in the French Quarter....they are 'comps' from Harrah's (where they will be spending lots of time).

When I learned this there was a pang of hmmmm not jealousy....that's not it...being excluded maybe?

In the old days we'd all go.
In the old days, it was sort of a 'tradition'...that my sister-in-law and I would pull an all nighter....the night before she flew home.
In the old days, it was 'tradition' to spend holidays at the casino together too.

When I first stopped gambling, in 2002 there was a great deal of jealousy on my part.... And resentment.....ESPECIALLY the time that they couldn't find a sitter....and they volunteered ME to watch the babies while they were out gambling. LOL.

I wouldn't mind watching the kiddo's at all today.
And I don't wish I could go with them.
And I don't even think 'they should choose something ELSE to do...something we can all do together.'

They'll be in town ten days...we'll have plenty of time to do things together....

This is the first time I've been REALLY OK with this.

In recent years....I would TELL myself that THEY didn't have to not gamble just cuz *I* couldn't was ridiculous to think otherwise.
but it still hurt.
i didn't want to gamble....but i wanted to be with them.
Even when I really didn't want to gamble anymore....when THEY all went....I really wished I could go.

Maybe it has more to do with growing up...than anything else...not feeling that I have to be a part of everything....or taking it personal when I'm not.

I so enjoy being free of this.
Not just of gambling.....
but of the desire to gamble.......
and even wishing I was 'normal' so I wasn't excluded.

I am ok....and I don't miss the 'old days' at all.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I am grateful you posted the list of names, I havent read your blog in too long..great post..I dont miss the old days either..WTG:)