KNOWING versus DOING

Anytime I imagine what some future day or event will be like...I'm almost always wrong. Maybe actual circumstances will be better....maybe worse than I'd imagined...but they're almost always different.

Thursday, 10-30, marks my two year milestone.

I don't 'count days' anymore....but I've really been looking forward to this...in the same way I do an anniversary or birthday...hmmmmm....the way I looked forward to a birthday when i was six??? LOL

anyway
I guess I sort of imagined I would take the day off....take a break from this whirlwind of a life I've created and just 'be' for a change....maybe hang out in safe harbor chat room....stay logged into msn and yahoo chat...catch up with some friends I haven't visited with in a while.

But my grammy died last weekend.

So I'm leaving in the morning....to Los Angeles to attend her services.

There is a LOT of drama around this.....not the least of which, I haven't seen my father in twenty years...long story and it's not relevant here...but....my insides are....they are racing....and tight.

it's complicated.

I keep imagining different scenarios...what these next two days will hold....I know it won't actually be anything like what I imagine...but it's difficult to not think about it.

So yeah....I'm having a hard time staying in the day....and dealing with things as they arise....trying not to CREATE problems (in my mind)....

but I'm trying :)

I'm not the first one to say this, but...recovery is pretty easy when everything's going your way...it's when sh*t happens....when people let us down....or become ill...or die....or...just when circumstances aren't what we'd hoped for......that we really have to USE these 'life skills' that recovery teaches.

the thing is...sh*t is GONNA happen.....I'm grateful to have these 'skills' to fall back on.

OK--- so I *KNOW* what to do....it's just a matter of DOING it.

Relax
Accept what I cannot change
change what I can
Stay in the moment....I only need deal with what is immediately before me.

Love,
Peg