The Family Rule

“The family gets to stay angry as long as they need to. That’s my rule.”

That was a comment that the gambling counselor made at the meeting I attended last week.

I like that rule.

It’s hard for us…the ‘offenders’….because…we don’t WANT anyone to be angry at us…

We’ve had ENOUGH pain!

If we weren’t in pain…we probably wouldn’t have become addicted in the first place!

What we need is LOVE..and SUPPORT!

Besides,

Quitting is HARD.

How do they expect us to quit if THEY are making our lives difficult by being ANGRY at us all the time?

Them…making mean comments…or trying to ‘punish’ us is only going to make us want to gamble!!!

Can’t they SEE that?

And….

If/when…I *AM* abstaining…they don’t even RECOGNIZE how GREAT I’m doing!!!

They don’t get how hard this is….

They just don’t get it.

Ya know what?

They’re not GONNA get it!

That’s something that *WE* need to ‘get’ right up front.

They’re NOT gonna get it.

They’re NOT gonna get how hard it is.

They’re NOT gonna understand ANY of it.

And that’s OK.

It’s not really NECESSARY that they get it.

I mean…it’s difficult enough for *US* to wrap our heads around all of this….it really doesn’t make sense!!!

But…

We do need love and support…

And people to understand how difficult this is…and acknowledge our accomplishments…to CELEBRATE with us...

We DO need that.

But…likely…our LOVED ONES are NOT gonna be the ones that we get that from.

And that’s OK.

But then…where? Who?

THAT is where being connected to others like us comes in.

They get it.

And…it’s very strange…the way this works…but…’in the rooms’ of Gambler’s Anonymous..and in the online communities that I’ve discovered…they/we really do care.

BECAUSE we get it.

We know….the misery…..and the heartbreak…and how difficult it is to break free….and…it is very likely that other people…strangers…cared about us enough to reach out a hand….

If you haven’t already discovered a support group of compulsive gamblers in recovery…I highly recommend checking out a local gambler’s anonymous meeting….or look around at some of the online groups (each have their own unique ‘feel’ to them)….there is http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/GettingPastGambling/
http://www.gamcare.org.uk/forum/
http://www.sfcghub.com/
http://www.gamblingtherapy.org/ShowForums.aspx
http://dailystrength.org/c/Gambling-Addiction/support-group

to name a few.


If we focus on getting well….if we just do the NEXT RIGHT THING…consistently….if we allow our families to just be angry…and not fight them…just….focus on what WE have to do…get better….

After a while….

They will see that…

If we learn some of the lessons that recovery has to teach us…about living….things will begin to change between us…..our relationships can begin to heal…

But we can’t force it….all that we can do….is what *WE* can do…..

And we can be free.

And THEY will be angry…as long as they need to be….whether we accept that or not.

Just get well.