How do I make you feel?

A new way of thinking and living.

What does that mean?

Well.....one of the first things that I 'got' in recovery....was the realization that I have a lot less power than I thought I did :)

the realization that...I cannot 'make' anyone feel anything.
I cannot make you feel good..or bad...or happy..or ANYTHING at all!

NO ONE can make YOU feel anything.
NO ONE can make ME feel anything either.

if my friend comes to me and says 'You're a bitch and i don't want to be your friend any more'....and that hurts me....i feel bad.

did my friend make me feel bad?

before you answer....let's look at this....

suppose I am to give a speech....there are 50 people in a room...I enter...I give my speech.

I predict that there will be a handfull of people there who will love me :)
Likely there will also be a handfull of people who absolutely cannot STAND me.

how can that be?

they all heard and saw the exact same thing...how could they have different opinions about me?

is it because of ME?

of COURSE not...if it was because of ME..then...all 50 people would have thought exactly the same about me...

each person in the room will walk away with their own feelings or impressions of me BASED ON WHO THEY ARE....based on how THEY think...THEIR belief system.

so...
the original question....did my friend make me feel bad?
well...my friend said something mean.
but how I CHOOSE to think about that...is in MY hands.

If a woman that I'd never met before approached me in the grocery store..and said "You're a bitch and I dont want to be your friend any more"... how would i feel?

most likely I would find her amusing....I mean...she doesn't even know me....I would likely come home...and tell the story to my husband..chuckling over how odd the experience was.

but

if my FRIEND said it....I would feel differently...is that because my friend holds some magical power???

they both said exactly the same thing....what is different?

the difference is..how *I* think about *THEM*.

I CHOOSE how much power I give to people...I CHOOSE how I am affected....and

even if and when I am unable to CHOOSE how I feel....it is STILL not someone ELSE who MAKES me feel the way I do....(I am unable to choose because of ME!).

Things happen....and I react to those things...based on who *I* am.

You can be mean to me.....but I will only feel bad....if I choose to allow you to affect me.

When I feel bad....I feel bad because I feel bad.