Getting started in recovery

This recovery stuff
Is really hard to begin…for so many reasons.

One reason is because
It’s all very vague
What, exactly, do we have to do?

I hear people in gamblers anonymous say ‘meetings make it’
Yet I know people who attend meetings…and continue to gamble.
I know people who have gambled immediately after attending a meeting.
I have done that myself.

Even when I attended meetings….what I actually had to DO was very vague.
I wanted a list..do this, then this, then that and you will be all better.

There are the steps, of course…the g.a. 12 steps, but…I found them elusive as well.

I hear people say…’get a sponsor’
I think…that’s a wonderful idea….a sponsor….or SOME sort of relationship that is recovery based….
I have some wonderful friendships that are sort of sponsor-like but
None of them are really sponsors.

It is hell out there.
We know that.
Desperation, hopelessness, fear….
When we are there…we want out….when we are out, we want to STAY out…but how?

I use many different tools for my personal recovery.
I have been searching…learning
Found out…there are lots of people recovering…in ways other than g.a.

That sort of surprised me at first.
G.A. kind of scared me into believing that if I didn’t follow that program, I was gonna gamble.

I love G.A.
I use many of the principles from the program.
But there are other ways.
G.A. doesn’t work for everyone.

I try to remain open-minded…I am always looking for new information…new tools…new knowledge that I can use.

For me, now, it’s not about stopping gambling.
That is done.

Now, it is about staying stopped.

I have no urges…no desire to gamble.

But…there is a ‘gambling voice’ that lives in me….and I cannot allow that voice to gain control of the dialogue in my head…ever.

So I listen…learn….I do lots of things….today..for ME…it’s about growth.

But….there were a few things that I did to get started on this path:

The first thing I had to do was Make a Decision to stop. This is it. I had hurt enough...enough.

I put up ‘roadblocks’ when I was having a ‘moment of clarity’…so that when that gambling voice DID take over my thoughts again….gambling would be a little more difficult to do.

I attended meetings....they lifted me...I felt I was not alone.

I tried to remain AWARE of my EMOTIONS.
Tried to learn to NAME them…that’s it…just name them…not change them or do anything…just be AWARE of what I was thinking and feeling…

I tried to remain aware of what was going on with my PHYSICALLY.
I was under so much stress…so much anxiety, I was often tense….my muscles strained.

While I didn’t try to change how I FELT (emotionally)…I DID try to change the tension thing….as soon as I’d realize I was all knotted up…I would breathe deeply…and try to loosen up the muscles….stop clenching the steering wheel, whatever…just RELAX.

It’s hard to relax when one is rushing thru their life…which I was….so I tried to slow down, when I could…tried to make changes so that I didn’t HAVE to rush as much.

I practiced TRYING to be grateful...it was hard at first...there were so many things going wrong...there were so many consequences...but

not EVERYTHING was bad...sometimes...the good things were hard to find...but.... having food, clothing, shelter, clean water.... being grateful for whatEVER we have...is important.... Gratitude...changes how we think...who we are..

I found others like me….who were successfully accomplishing what I wanted to do…I listened to what they said…some of it…I discarded…much of it…I use.

I began to practice Being in the Moment.

I have formed some intense friendships with others who are recovering from gambling addiction….people with whom I share thoughts and feelings..about recovery…about life….trust…is difficult for me….being on the internet and to some degree, anonymous, has freed me a great deal…I have shared things I would have a hard time doing in person, face to face.

The more I learn…the more I know I don’t know…

I am learning things….about being human…
Emotions….
Spirituatlity…
LIFE…

That I never understood or even imagined…and today
I cannot imagine gambling…my life is so full….of wonder

Life is good.
I once felt like…it was pointless…and I was just ‘going thru the motions’.
There is more to it.
We can’t do it alone.
We don’t have to.

Related posts:
How do I stop?
What is Recovery? Where do I start?


When I was suffering...I was so far from here...I hardly believed this could be achieved...but it can.
I am doing it.
You can too.

Never stop trying to stop.