Am *I* ready to forgive?

So,

I’ve been thinking about the one person in my life that I have not forgiven.

I’m still not sure that I’m ready.

Funny, I know full well that the resentment only hurts me.

He is dead.

Even after all of these years, I still feel hatred.

So I’ve been thinking about him…and forgiveness.

I’m sure he wasn’t an EVIL man, per se’.

I don’t think that he did the things he did because

Well you know what?

I have no idea why he did the things that he did.

I don’t know.

I know that he hurt people…he hurt me.

And….I keep thinking about what I’ve discovered…about forgiveness…

And….even though I KNOW that it has nothing to do with him (anymore)….He will not get any ‘relief’ if I forgive….he is dead!!!

It’s all about me…it’s all about how *I* feel….and…I THINK I want to feel better….yet a part of me says ‘I still want to be angry’.

I wonder why.