Tuesday, February 26, 2008


I’ve heard it said that ‘Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.’

That didn’t make any sense at all.

I mean…sometimes…people just don’t DESERVE to be forgiven. Right?

Sometimes…people aren’t even SORRY for the wrongs that they inflict on others.

Why SHOULD I forgive someone who has wronged me?

That’s not it at all....that is not what forgiveness is about.

But…it’s not just ME that is confused about forgiveness….

Throughout my life…when people have asked me for forgiveness….often, what they have meant is “Can’t you just pretend like this never happened and give me another chance?”

But …that is not what forgiveness is.

Forgiveness is not something that is to be done for the OTHER guy…it is not ‘letting him off the hook’…

I can forgive someone…but still take measures to protect myself from future harm.

If my spouse were to abuse me, for instance….I can choose to forgive him…but to leave the relationship. Forgiveness means….’I will no longer allow this event to hurt me.’ ‘This was done to me…but I am no longer going to be angry about it.’

My ex-husband and I did not part on good terms.

I have not seen him in years.

I have no idea where he is or what he is doing.

If I were to still hold resentments…or if I don’t….what difference does it make in his life?

What difference does it make in mine?

Whether or not I forgive...only affects how *I* feel.

The choice to forgive…is not a gift to the other guy….it doesn’t matter whether or not he earns it or deserves it.

The choice to forgive…is a gift to ourselves.

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