Saturday, February 9, 2008

Comparing myself to others

When I was a young girl and my mom would tell me not to do this…I thought that she meant…not to look at other girls and think that I was prettier than they were (or they were prettier than me)…or who had a prettier dress or shoes or jewelry.

I’m pretty sure that *IS* what she meant.

I was comparing myself to others tho, even when I wasn’t aware of it…when I walk into a room and feel that I am over or underdressed…when I suddenly realize that my handbag doesn’t match my shoes or any of the MILLIONS of things that can happen..that make me feel uncomfortable with the people I am with....OR…when I feel a little TOO comfortable…

The thing is….I can dress right now….and feel completely different…depending upon whom I am with.

Regardless of whether or not I’m aware of it…that is comparing myself to others.

But that’s all about STUFF....or LOOKS...superficial things.

I am less interested in THINGS than I have ever been…yet I STILL catch myself making comparisons to others…she is gentler than I am…I am kinder, more empathetic…he is more spiritual…or…my recovery is more stable.

I doubt my mom would’ve had as much of a problem with this…because…these are IMPORTANT things…it’s not about LOOKS or THINGS -- but

Does that make it ok ?

I dunno…the thing is….even if it’s ok…

WHO CARES??? WHAT DOES IT MATTER???

The fact is…the only thing that I need to concern myself with…is how kind or generous or spiritual *I* am.

And….do I really?

Is it necessary to measure at all? Do I need to ‘concern myself’ with how I’m doing?

Or…

Do I just….do it?

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