Sunday, January 4, 2009

Avoiding contact

I'm always impressed with those people who gamble then come right back and admit it...and keep on trying to stop.

some people do that over and over and over again......and their pain is so obvious....I ache for them.

but many of us are not like that.....we can't bear to say that we've done it we don't answer emails....don't return phone calls....we avoid people so we don't have to lie

or...we just lie.

it's sad that there is so much shame around this....that if we gamble we feel that we have 'failed'....

and yes,
of course, the goal (for me, anyway) must be complete abstinence....because if I begin to gamble 'just a little bit' brain gets whacked and I end up back in the madness......

so it can't be Ok to gamble...even just a little bit....not if we are to be happy and whole....

but is it shameful?
why must we hide it from people who we KNOW would understand and care about us?

I know...I's about the loss of control....the seeming 'stupidity' of our actions....doing something that harms us when we KNOW better...
I know.

but feeling ashamed and hiding and lying will only keep the madness going.

take care of you.

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