Gambling Spouse

After I stopped gambling in 2002, I shared that I had a gambling problem with a few close friends.

One afternoon I was going to lunch with one of them...and she said to me "I heard this man on a radio program recently. His wife had a gambling problem...and his story about their marriage...their life was so sad...it was terrible...over and over again she would lie and start gambling again....at the end of the program they asked him if he had any advice for someone who was married to a problem gambler and he said 'Get out. Leave. It will never get better. They will never stop.'" and my friend told me when he said that she thought to herself "oh, well this is different than what Peg has".

What advice would I give to the spouse of a compulsive gambler?

Well I absolutely wouldn't advise them to stay or to leave. That is an individual choice.

I would suggest that if they decided to stay, they take steps to protect themself....know the financial situation...do whatever they are able to protect the finances from the spouse with the problem.....never ever ever take their eye off that ball....even if the spouse hasn't gambled in FOREVER....keep an eye on the finances and do not be secretive about it...make it known that they are watching....closely.....always.

and I would offer them this.....
the compulsive gambler may continue gambling for the rest of his/her life bringing only misery to himself and those around him

or
perhaps he/she will seek help....in which case.....this person is very likely to become a better person/spouse than he/she has ever been....as many people I know have done

or
they may fall somewhere in between

and unfortunately.....there is no way to tell....how any particular one of us is going to turn out. (In fact....while we are caught up in the cycle, to look at ANY of us, it would be difficult to imagine how we could ever be OK again).

I guess....in some ways.....for the spouse of a compulsive gambler to choose to stay with us is a gamble for THEM.

But it is a gamble that many of them are winning.....because many of 'us' are finding a way...to be OK....to be BETTER than OK.

Hugs,
Peg