Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Note to my therapist

I did cry...and slept most of the day yesterday.

Went to bed early anyway and feel ok today.

Not great, but ok.

My husband will be leaving the country soon for a business trip.

He's concerned....he has no experience with depression...or for crying for no particular reason...or just wanting to stay in bed.

He's as 'normal' as they come.

So he's worried.
and he has to leave.

So he asks me yesterday if I would call my therapist to make an appt. I started seeing her in 2002 when I couldn't stop gambling....have seen her off and on since....haven't seen her in a while...I've been fine :)

Ordinarly, I would do what I always do....say 'ok' then not call..for weeks...or months even.

But...I have felt so good for so long....and her office is a great place to cry.
So I knew it was a good idea.
I didn't call her.

So last night....I sent her an email to see if she had any openings...

and this morning...while driving the boys to suddenly hit me....something remarkable about that email.

I'll copy it see if you catch it.....

Don’t know where your phone number is so I thought I’d give this a shot.

It’s nothing major really….a million little things…but I’m not ok.

I just want to cry….to stay in bed and cry.

I don’t, of course, I can’t.
But I would if I could….and I imagine it shows on my face…

Long story short…both boys are doing really poorly in school (what’s new)…then….xxxxxxxxxxprivate info about my son which I should not share herexxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.

The following day, xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxprivate info about my son which I should not share herexxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.

THEN…Sunday…xxxxxxxxxxMORE private info about my son that I should not share herexxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.

I keep telling myself that I’m a good mom.
I know I am.
I’m a good mom who just has a kid who does whatever the hell he wants regardless of what his good parents say or do.

My husband leaves Friday on business and I think he’s afraid to leave me right now.

I’m not dangerous to myself or others…but I could probably benefit from an hour on your sofa.

Got any openings?

That's it.
Did you catch it?

I didn't even mention it.

Whether or not I am Gambling no longer defines me.

p.s. I see her tomorrow at 1

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Get it down on paper girl.
Show up an hour early.

Hope the couch is soft white leather.

Help you as much as hubby, who is concerned.

Love Bob