Saturday, April 5, 2008

Never enough

More! More! More!

I can never get enough of a good thing.

It’s true for me in all sorts of ways…

I’m like the little kid that you pick up and swing around like an airplane…when you put me down…I just wanna ‘do it again!’.

Why is that?

Why am I not ever satisfied?

I have mentioned before…that I have too much STUFF.

Oh…it’s clothes and shoes…common stuff that we (women) tend to over-buy.

But it’s more than that.

When I go to Sam’s and buy in bulk…and I come home with a GIANT bottle of laundry detergent…and EIGHT rolls of paper towels…even tho I don’t have a good place to PUT eight rolls of paper towels…it FEELS good…it FEELS like I have ENOUGH.

I have what I need.
At least, in the way of laundry detergent and paper towels :)
At least, for NOW, I do.

I’m not one of those people that they put on Oprah with 13,000 pounds of STUFF jammed into their home….I’m not that bad…but I DO tend to buy things I don’t need…and I have a hard time getting rid of things…maybe I will need this some day?? Or…perhaps it holds some memory.

I REALIZE that..THINGS do NOT hold MEMORIES….if I burn everything that I own…I will retain the memories..the memories are within me.

So what’s the deal with the stuff? .. and it's not just STUFF...

Whatever I am doing…whatever I have….whoever I am with….wherever I am….

Why is that not enough?

Why the constant feeling of lack?

I know that practicing gratitude would be a good way to counter these feelings…

but I have found…in other ‘recovery work’ that I have done..that getting down to the ‘causes and conditions’ of my feelings can actually help to RID myself of them.

I don’t want to fight this stuff all of my life.

I want to be rid of it
the things in ME…that hinder my happiness.

I intend to live the best life that I possibly can.

Starting now.

No comments: