Angst

defined - a German word for anxiety that is used to refer to the nagging, worrying sensation that something is wrong.

what is that about?

you know....sometimes there are THINGS that we worry about....but...sometimes...my world is ok....work is ok...family is good...home is alright...pretty smooth going....but then...out of the blue...I just feel...
like I'm not ok.

not sad or depressed....just....fragmented....anxious...

angst.

So I had a bit of that this weekend.

It's maybe easier for me to be sad or depressed...or to be fretting about some particular THING...because I can evaluate it...ponder it...whatever...

but..

when I feel like I'm not ok....yet....I really *AM* ok.

is that just me?
does everyone experience that to some degree or another?
is it a part of being human?
or
is it a part of 'this' thing?
this obsessive/compulsive/all or nothing/attention deficit/stressed to the max/addicted ummmm 'condition'?

well...

usually, when I get that...it's very disturbing.
It bothers me because I know it's not rational...and I need to try to stop it...to shake the feeling.

but this weekend....
as umcomfortable as it felt..
this angst that has no cause--

I just decided....to feel angst.

you know?
in a strange way...not FIGHTING it...made it ease up just a little....

maybe sometimes I get more anxious trying to decide why I feel that way...and trying to make it go away.

maybe sometimes...there really IS no reason....at least...no EXTERNAL reason that we can put a finger on.

anyway...
in the past....I've labelled feelings...
'good' or 'bad'

but I have a friend in recovery who has said to me...that 'feelings are not good...not bad....they just are'.

so....maybe some feelings are more fun than others :)
but....
if I am gonna live...I imagine I will experience a range of emotions from time to time.

I'm gonna try to just...let it be.

Acceptance.