Choosing to stop gambling

I belong to several online groups...to be honest..they have provided me with the opportunity for recovery....I'm sure I wouldn't be blogging without them....sadly....I would be gambling instead.

I couldn't stop on my own.
I couldn't.

It's not easy to say that.

I'm strong, independent.
I always thought that I could do ANYTHING.

this thing...kicked my *ss.

Often, when people post in forums about not being able to stop....I see people sort of 'reprimand' them....saying things like 'of course you can stop, YOU WANT TO GAMBLE....it's a choice...when I was gambling I CHOSE to do it...and then I CHOSE to stop...and NOW...I CHOOSE not to gamble.....so just stop'

just stop.

huh?

did they forget what it was like?

or...maybe they weren't like ME....

but....

ON MY OWN....I could not choose to stop.

I couldn't

and it didn't have anything to do with what I WANTED...

my RATIONAL THINKING brain WANTED to stop a LOOOOONG time before I was actually able to do it....

there was a part of me that wanted to stop.....but the part of me that wanted to continue....I had to overcome it....because *IT* was the part that had control of me.....no matter HOW much I WANTED to stop....

I was unable to choose.

I NEEDED it.

I had a PHYSICAL response to not gambling....

Gaining the ability to choose was a process....it didn't happen overnight.

yes, when I stopped....I CHOSE to stop....and now...I CHOOSE not to go....but there was a time when there was no CHOICE...

how did I get from a place where I had no choice..to a place where I DID have a choice????

Talking, learning, believing that I could do it....listening to others who had done it.....who didn't JUDGE me or berate me...but who 'held my hand' so to speak....

having people care about me....NO MATTER if I gambled or not....but doing everything in their power....to empower me....to not.

I couldn't do it alone.

Glad I didn't have to.

xo