Friday, August 22, 2008

Having Extra Money

I've been working more than I ordinarily do.

That means two things...

first...I am doing less in other areas

second...I have more money available.


My husband and I keep our money separate now (smart man!)....I am responsible for buying groceries, cleaning products, etc....and basically anything that *I* want or need....cell phones for the boys and me....books, makeup, clothes.

We've tweaked it over time....and have gotten to the point where we found what works for us...at least...it's working TODAY.

It's just recently that I've begun to spend any money on myself tho...other than the necessities.

Guilt.

I'd deprived my family of so much....anytime there was 'extra' money (extra? money? is there such a thing???) I'd spend it on the boys....or gamble it away...depending on whether or not I was gambling at the time.

Funny that.

Buying myself things....seemed so selfish..when I was in OR out of the cycle (retribution)...but when I was gambling....I could easily justify sitting for hours....and inserting whatever money I had with me into a machine...and leave....to get more money...even money that WASN'T 'extra'....to do it some more.

Anyway....
I'm getting to the point where I don't feel so guilty about buying myself things.

I imagine the 'extra' helps alleviate the guilt.

Actually...I've even been sort of SPLURGING lately....but it's different.

In the 'old days'...if I saw something I wanted...I'd buy it.

It is very rare that I do that now.

My friend has a '24 hour rule' that works for me too....if I see something that I want...I wait 24 hours...if I STILL want it...go get it.

amazingly....more often than not...I'm sort of glad I didn't make the purchase!

now....I try to limit myself to buying only what I came for....if I'm at the mall to buy new shoes....I try not to look at other things....

so there have been a few things that I've been pining over for a while.....a new set of luggage.....it's extravagant...this set that I've been wanting.....the 'old Peg' would've had it in the closet long ago....the day I found it....

to be honest...I thought I'd NEVER own this particular luggage....too much money.

but

a few months ago...I started a list...a CHRISTMAS list...I hadn't done that since I was a girl....

so....just in case my husband asked 'what do you want for Christmas'....I would have an answer :)

anyway...I've been working a lot....so I have this 'extra' money.....so just before I flew off to see Kimber...I mentioned to my husband...about this luggage....should I wait for Christmas? or buy it...since I have the means.

He said to get it.
The next day, I did.

No guilt at all...yes...it is extravagant...but....I've been working hard...and I've been WANTING this...it's not a whim....

anyway, I deserve it.

I digress......back to the finances.......

last night...I was paying my bills.


Since I've stopped gambling it doesn't happen quite as often...but....still..sometimes I fall short of what I need....and I 'borrow' from my husband....for a while I was in perpetual debt to him....I'd pay off what I borrowed last month...then borrow some more.

I haven't done that in a while.

He is responsible for purchasing the kids' school supplies but THIS year...I was actually able to spend MY money...and get reimbursed later.

I will get paid today....and I still have a bit of money in my bank account.

It feels good.
Security.

Today....my needs are met.
and I'm taking care of me...by letting the 'extra'....just BE.

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