Dinner

Today is my sister in law's birthday.

Ten of us went out with her last night to celebrate.

No 'set' plans...but I knew that we would go out to dinner....then for drinks.

The arena football championship is in town so a lot of streets were closed to accomodate the number of tourists...so we were on foot...and it started to rain....and I suddenly find myself following the others out of the rain....seeking shelter at the entrance of Harrah's Casino.

My husband is so sensitive to this....over the years...I have 'educated' him on things that I should and should not do....what common triggers are, etc.

Everyone there KNOWS I have a gambling problem...but they obviously don't 'get' it.

I remember....in 2002, when I was ready to share this with my inlaws....I sat down with them and told them that I have a gambling problem, and how bad it was...how much debt I had created....and they both told me how proud of me they were...that I was getting help...and that....we would just not go for a while...until I got it 'under control'.
lol
I explained to them...that I couldn't gamble....ever again.
They were shocked....

but everyone respects that.

and they KNOW how bad it was.....

but I guess...there is still a lot that they don't get....

so my brother and sister in law are trying to decide where they want to eat....and they decide on the restaurant INSIDE of the casino.

I knew it was coming.

I'm sure my husband did too.

They KNOW I can't gamble...but what's the big deal with just walking thru the place?
Plus...they know I went to Vegas a few months ago...
I'm sure they didn't think it was a big deal at all.

My husband said...'we dont have to go'.

and, he's right..we DIDN'T have to go...

and to be honest...I didn't WANT to go.

I have spent far too many hours in that place...but I haven't stepped foot inside since 2002....I feel FINE...but...

there's no point in pushing it...ya know?
it's just not worth it.

but then....
how free is that?

Don't get me wrong....I do not want to be there.

There's a night club in there somewhere and a girlfriend of mine asked me to meet her there for a drink one night and I laughed at her..."I CAN'T go THERE!' lol
we met someplace else.

but here we are....ten of us....if I said I couldn't (or wouldn't) go.... they would all have done something else...but...

do I want to do that?

I didn't.

My husband asks me...'are you sure it's ok?....'
I tell him it is.

We go in.

Several people in the group have to go to the restroom.
My husband has to go.
I am fine. I'll wait.

He looks at me...and says....I'll stay with you.

I laugh...'OK...I will go to the restroom!' (so that HE could go...and know I wasn't 'out there')

we go to dinner....and we leave.

It's strange....the feeling....queasy??
Like...I am hmmmmm in danger?

Twice in one weekend I've had that feeling....faced with gambling.
I didn't feel tempted...still don't....

I do NOT think it's particularly wise for me to enter a casino.
I know it's not.
But if I'm in a position where it's necessary, I can.

I don't plan to anytime soon, tho.