The lure of gambling

For many addicts, the lure of their drug of choice is immediate gratification....the RELIEF we get when we 'use'.

But gambling offers something more than that.

How many times was I in panic mode...over the huge sums of money I had lost that particular day....feeling anxious and angry and STUPID...and then, suddenly...I'd hit....and everything would be OK...or at least my immediate catastrophe would be repaired.

That's why I couldn't stop when I was losing.
The NEXT press of the button....could fix it all.

even when we're not caught up in the process of actually gambling at the present moment....when we are sitting at home..wondering how we are going to pay off our debt...or even how we are going to pay the rent...the thought that...with just a FEW dollars....everything could change.

ALL of our (financial) problems could be solved...and often...when we are in the midst of financial problems...it seems like fixing THAT would fix everything in our whole lives.

I mean...SOMEBODY's gotta win....People do!....*I* have....so if SOMEBODY's gotta win....it may as well be me!

Hard to argue against that.
I mean...it's true.

The problem is...for *ME* anyway....that...the act of gambling does something else to me....it takes over me...I mean...if it didn't....every time I won money, I'd have gone home with it - ESPECIALLY on those occasions when I really NEEDED to go home with it.

so...it does something else to me.
it makes me want more and more.
more money?

I don't think so.
truly.
If I were gambling today....and I won $55 million dollars....that would be more money than I would need to pay taxes....and for me and my children and my children's children to live happily ever after.

Do I think for a moment...that if I gambled...and won that sum...that I would stop?
I mean...if it were NOT about money...I would never gamble again...no need, right?

when I gamble....something in me wants more...not more money...more GAMBLING...even when I don't want to gamble...there is a part of me that cannot stop...I can actually recall on a few occasions...being completely exhausted....just wanting to stop....and go home and sleep...wishing I would 'hurry up and lose this money so I could leave'.

something in me...wants to keep going....
and then...it takes over my life even when I'm NOT gambling.... I become consumed with thoughts of gambling and/or are frantically trying to fix whatever mess I'm currently in BECAUSE of my gambling.

If SOMEBODY's got to win....I say...let it be someone else.

I have too much to lose.

and I'm not talking about money.