Some people would ask...

If I am 'free' why don't I walk away?

Why do I continue to read and post on support sites?

Why do I write this blog?

If I were truly free....I would be out living my life.

well....yes and no.

for a long time I was stuck at this pc...all day and half of the night...reading and posting...trying to learn...and to help.

I NEEDED to be here...in order to GET free.

These days....I still research addiction because I am very interested in it.

But my primary focus now is not abstinence from gambling. Not at all.

In the beginning of my recovery, I was reading books like 'Willpower is not enough' and 'AA Big Book' and....maybe the one that really made a difference for me 'Sober for Good: New Solutions for Drinking Problems -- Advice from Those Who Have Succeeded' by Anne Fletcher....I don't have a drinking problem....but reading the Big Book of AA taught me...that what I have...is the same thing that alcoholics have...we just use a different' method of treating it.

Anyway...I used to read books like that....to learn how to be free.

Now...I read things like 'Awakening' by Anthony DeMello...'A New Earth:Awakening to your lifes purpose' by Eckhart Tolle....'The Games People Play' by Eric Berne...stuff like that...oh yeah....and some other things I read simply for FUN.

Anyway...what I read now..what I focus on now...is ME....who I am...what life do I want to live...how to be happy...what really matters.

So....why do I do this then?
Why do I remain active in my 'communities'?
If I don't...will I relapse?
Am I 'required' to do this forever???

I have no idea.
I don't think so.....
I think...that as long as I am focused on who I am...what life I want to live....how to be happy and what really matters....there is no way I would return to the cycle.....gambling is in opposition to these things.....they are not compatible. I will be fine.

I do this for a number of reasons...

I remember the pain.....how hopeless and helpless I felt...and I am so grateful that I found people..who had been there...but had gotten thru it...and shared that hope with me.

I'd like to pass that on.

Also.....if I am searching for what is important in life....then....it makes sense that a part of that would be...contributing to humanity in some small way....even if I only touch one life....if I really can make a difference for someone....why on earth would I not?

Is this such a terrible thing to 'have' to do?

The thing is...I do not feel 'punished' or 'obliged'....and to be honest...I really do not believe that it is NECESSARY for me to do this....in order that I might continue to be free :)

I'm pretty sure it's not.

Will I do it always?

I suppose...I will stop...when I have nothing left to say.