Monday, July 28, 2008

Don't test or tempt yourself

In G.A. they say 'if you don't want to gamble, then do what page 17 says'.

Page 17, #3:

"Don't test or tempt yourself. Don't associate with acquaintances who gamble. Don't go in or near gambling estblishments. Don't Gamble for Anything. This includes the stock market, commodities, options, buying or playing lottery tickets, raffle tickets, flipping a coin or entering the office sport pool."

I just wanted to point out that just because I was fine this weekend....doesn't mean it was particularly smart.

It's not something I feel comfortable doing.

I know the danger.
I know how desperate I horrific living had become....I don't ever want to be there again...and...

this 'illness' is baffling.....part of the danger is.....the NEXT time someone suggests something that I know isn't really 'safe'....I'll reason that...I was fine THIS I'd be OK....

the downward spiral begins.

I have been free before....for about the same time as I've been free now....and the morning that I 'decided' to gamble....that was the beginning of a two year 'episode'.

two YEARS.
I couldn't pull myself out.
didn't want to.

didn't want to gamble, but didn't want to stop either.
you know.

*ONE* reason (there are several) that I couldn't share this in a g.a. meeting is that....some people might hear that *I* had done this...and reason that THEY could....

and who knows....maybe they could?

but I don't want them (or you) to risk it because of something that *I* said.

best not to risk it at all.


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