Feelings

Feelings are funny things.

Ya know, when I wake from a dream...WHATEVER feelings I was having in the dream...fear, joy, anger, sorrow..whatEVER it is...I have a hard time shaking the feeling even after I wake up.

Even after I KNOW it was just a dream...it wasn't real...even though it doesn't make ANY sense at all to feel angry or sad or fearful about something that didn't even HAPPEN...I still do???

what's up with that?

Well...I had a pretty rough weekend...nothing TERRIBLE really...just tons of little things...

first..I didn't get paid last week like I'd expected to, so I didn't have grocery money...AND it didn't help that I'd splurged on a few items for myself recently....I mean...if I HAD been paid (like I SHOULD have been) it all would have been fine...but...I didn't...so it WASN'T fine...and I always know it's a POSSIBILITY that I won't be paid when I expect to....so, it was irresponsible of me...AGAIN.

once again...my husband came to the rescue.

my son and I took a ride in a car that my husband brought home for me to check out...and one of us must've done SOMETHING because the next morning the battery was dead AND for some reason the key would not MANUALLY open the door...my husband was thrilled.

It is still locked and dead.

Then...we need a sitter for some upcoming events and he wants ME to get with his mom about watching the kids.
It gets complicated.
I cannot do it.
I have...on occasion...but...it is very difficult for me...awkward....
so I got angry, then he got nasty blah blah blah.

ok...so I'm angry...I step 4 it and I can see my part...but I'm still angry...I KNOW how wonderful he is...how well he treats me..yet I'm still angry....
I ask myself...'how big is it?' and i know it's not very...but I cannot shake it....I don't even WANT to be angry...yet I am...still.

so my step 4 wasn't sufficient...causes and conditions...I need to get to the root of it...
and
I need to keep working on me.

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Anger is never without a reason, but seldom with a good one. -- Benjamin Franklin