Tuesday, January 1, 2008

Stopping Smoking

A few times today I wanted a cigarette.

It was a subconscious thing…not like ‘I wish I could have one’….it was just something that I naturally do…from time to time during the day, I get one…go outside, and smoke…so…a few times today…I’ve moved in that direction…I had to remind myself that I don’t smoke.


I’m looking at that first line ‘I wanted a cigarette’.

That is an illusion, isn’t it?

When I was a teenager, a friend of mine (who had never smoked) said to me “I don’t understand why someone would do that? If it tasted like chocolate cake or applie pie, then maybe I would try it…but why do I want to TASTE smoke???”

She was right then and she’s right now.

Then…I wanted to smoke because…I thought it made me look ?older, ?more mature, ?cool???

Now…I want to smoke because it is a drug…and I am an addict who has found comfort in that particular drug.

I don’t want a CIGARETTE.
I want the drug.

Or at least…a part of me does…

But my ‘wise self’ does not.

Statistics show that I am more likely to return to gambling if I continue to smoke.

My wise self does not want to stop smoking because it costs so much money or because it’s turning my lungs black (and can kill me) or because I can see those wrinkles around my lips beginning to form (LOL...it is STILL making me look older!)…or because it stinks or or or or or

My wise self wants to stop smoking because the less like an addict I behave…the easier it will be….to not behave as an addict.

I want to be free.


Do or do not. There is no "try."-- Yoda, The Empire Strikes Back

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