Tuesday, January 1, 2008


I stopped making New Year’s Resolutions years ago.

What’s the point? No one keeps them…at least, I never did.

Usually…one will identify some thing they do that they shouldn’t… or something that they SHOULD do but don’t….or some character defect that they feel they should rid themselves of.

For me…I guess I was never really successful because I haven’t ever been SERIOUS about doing the things that I ‘picked’ for my New Year Resolution.

It didn’t really matter if I quit smoking or lost 5 pounds or stuck with an exercise program or continued to gossip with other school-moms.

I didn’t really care.

I didn’t really REALLY want to accomplish any of those things.

They were just things that I knew I SHOULD address…so I’d pick one…and (maybe) make some half-hearted attempt at it.

I was not resolute.

But now…

I am searching…
I am searching for the things that I must do to sustain sobriety indefinitely….to sustain freedom from the obsession to gamble.

One of the things that I aim to do is to identify *all* of my addictive-related behaviors…and to eliminate them, to the best of my ability.

Addictive-related behaviors?

How about the fact that I am still an active addict!

I smoke.

I started when I was a teenager…then quit ten years later when I began dating my husband. Seven years later…I was helping my mother to die…I was grieving… I was going through so much…I had an excuse…I gave myself permission.

She died nearly twelve years ago…and I am still smoking.

My son asked me one day…for the trillionth time…’Mom…why don’t you quit smoking?’

I sighed…I want to…I really want to…’It’s not that easy.’ I said.

He laughed….’sure it is…throw that pack away and then…don’t buy any more.’

We were both right….It is NOT easy…but that is the way to do it….throw them away and be done with it…

make a DECISION…
and just don’t smoke TODAY…..
change the way I THINK….
and keep working on me.


How few there are who have courage enough to own their faults, or resolution enough to mend them. --Benjamin Franklin

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