Searching for my Higher Power - II

The story starts here -- Searching for My Higher Power Part I.


searching for the possiblity of God...



I began searching again a couple of years later as a result of watching television with my husband :)


he is always watching the science channel, history channel, discovery channel, you know..real MAN stuff..


well one night he is watching a show and it is about quantum physics.

i tivo'd the show and watched it again and again...was amazing..there are things going on all around us...we cannot see them...and...the rules there do not correspond with the rules of MY world...for instance...quantum leaps… an object can move from point a to point b without following a path (it 'magically' disappears then reappears somewhere else)..that's just one example....quantum physics is crazy stuff.

Now, I don't pretend to understand quantum physics...but what I hear goes against everything that I know.

Some of this is theory...some is fact.


SOOOOOOO if there are REALLY 'things' all around me that I can neither see nor understand (and…we already know that there are cells, molecules, sound waves, etc…TONS of things that are all around us…and we are completely unaware)....who am I to say that that is ALL that is out there that I cannot see (and understand)...thus the curiosity was raised....

Again…I didn’t do much with it…I little reading…a little googling…then, once again, I left it alone.

Then…I find myself, once again, free of the cycle…and this Higher Power issue is raised once again.

So I find myself in a chat room for cg’s…talking about this HP thing…that I don't believe...when my friend asked if I believed in the POSSIBILITY of God.

I told him that I *do* believe in SOMETHING.....fate...or destiny.... sometimes, amazing things happen, and seem to happen for a particular reason - AND if there really is such a thing as fate, or destiny...then, it sort of makes sense to me that there must be someone...an AUTHOR... someone who decides what is destined to be...so my friend says "let your HP be the keeper of fate".

That sounded do-able. Maybe. i feel like i'm getting closer...but how do I get a personal relationship with the ‘Keeper Of Fate’?

Pray?

{sigh}



I had some real problems around prayer.
How pompous of this ‘God’ to demand that we worship him.
Still not sure I like him so much.

Or even that he’s there.

But I was thinking a lot about this God thing.

And one day…I needed something..well ‘wanted’ really..but it FELT like a need.

I knew it would not happen…I tried everything to make it happen…it was out of my hands…

So

Me, being the smart ass that I am, said ‘OK, fine…if you’re there, God, make this happen…if if this DOES happen..I will KNOW…it will be PROOF that you are there.’

Funny that…my prayer….

I cringed at the thought of ‘worshipping’ some God…but I didn’t mind asking for favors…even in the height of my addiction I would pray…… a friend wrote to me this morning about some of the things she prayed…her prayers sounded just like mine “Please God, let me win” Then…later “Please God, help me out of this mess” and “Please God, help me to quit” and even, at times “Please God, just let me die”.

Well…that ‘thing’ that I asked for..that PROOF…amazingly enough…a few weeks later, on Christmas morning…my prayer was answered.

I still wasn’t really convinced.

Isn’t that something?

We make deals..”God…if you’ll just let me win..then I will leave” and we win, and we don’t follow through…time and time again, I have asked things of a God that I didn’t believe in…and then, did not keep my end of the bargain.

So..I wasn’t convinced..but..I was intrigued...it WAS pretty amazing..this proof.

I told part of my story online…and someone suggested that perhaps it was time that I read the Celestine Prophecy.

It sort of sounded familiar?

I ordered the book…it came in…and I began to read…it WAS familiar.

I went to my bookshelf…and scanned..and voila! There it was…this book…had been gifted to me years ago….from the guy that I worked with..who believed that it was his mission to save my soul.

It seemed that the ‘Keeper of Fate’ was once again…trying to tell me something.

I began to read.

To be continued here..........Searching for my Higher Power - III


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"Men occasionally stumble over the truth,but most of them pick themselves upand hurry off as if nothing had happened." ---Winston Churchill