Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Back to the person I was before?

I often hear people who are wanting to stop gambling say things like 'I just want to go back to the person I was BEFORE.'

Not me.

The peg that I was before I gambled...ENDED UP GAMBLING!!!

I want a new and improved version..

I Need a different way of thinking and living.

I mean...I was ok...I was probably like most people that I know...always busy..rushing around, trying to get everything done that I needed to do... tons of responsibilities...barely keeping it together.

I was so easily upset...
by traffic, by my children, by people I work with, by family, by'm not saying that I was p***** off at people all the time...I wasn't.

But...a lot of the time, when i was...I really SHOULDN'T have been.

One year ago, the words God, prayer, made me cringe...I didn't believe...I am not sure WHAT I believed...but...I knew I didn't want to pray, for certain.

But I needed a new way of thinking and living....


I started out...just kind of trying to ignore that aspect of what I was hearing (prayer/God)..and take the of the things that I learned...that has helped me so so so so much, is the Serenity Prayer...whether or not one actually 'prays' it to God is their own LIVE this...there is peace here.

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
The courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.

These days...when I begin to get upset...the first question I ask myself is 'Can I do anything about this?'

I have learned that I do not have control over any people, places or things (except myself...and sometimes..I cannot control myself very well either!).....

so.....can i do anything about it? in traffic for instance...that question alone makes me what the a***hole cut me off...does this affect my life?
who cares?
and I'm done with it.

when my kids upset me...can i do anything about this?
well...the kid thing is a tricky one for me..cuz i DO have a measure of control over them....
sort of...
lol but not REALLY.

my husband...ANYONE... anyTHING!

If I start to get angry or anxious or worried....the question is...'can I change this?'

If I cannot--- accept the things I cannot change.
Now THAT, for the toughie...
Learning that...the only person that I can change is me...deciding that...THAT is what I need to focus on... ME :)

I'm not saying I don't get angry..or that i TRY not to get angry....I just try to decide whether or not i can DO anything....and if I can...then I try to DO it...and if I cannot...I have to try to be ok with the fact that things are the way they are.

The thing is...even when we are RIGHT...even when we are JUSTIFIED in being only hurts us.

we have hurt enough.

we truly can choose not to hurt (sometimes)...if we learn much of how we FEEL is because of how we THINK.

We have to learn to take care of nurture ourselves.

It's part of a different way of thinking and living.

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