Thursday, December 13, 2007

Powerless

There seems to be a lot of controversy amongst the different recovery methods over whether or not we are, indeed, powerless.

GA tells us that we are... here's how...

STEP ONE - We admitted we were powerless over gambling - that our lives had become unmanageable.

It doesn't say that I am powerless over my addiction.
It doesn't say that I am powerless to help myself.
It doesn't say that I am powerless over ANYTHING except GAMBLING.

and...no doubt in my mind....when I gamble....I am powerless.

I am powerless to leave...even when I have a pressing engagement.
I am powerless to walk out of the door with money...even if it is important to my (or my family's) welfare that I have that money.
I am powerless to STOP.
Once I start, I just can't freaking STOP!

The thing is.....once I started doing that over and over and over and over again...my entire LIFE became unmanageable...as a matter of fact...when I began attending g.a. in 2002..I was pretty much powerless over everything in my life.

My finances were in shambles.
My children (and husband) were neglected.
My house was a wreck.
I was always missing appointments...either because I couldn't leave a machine or because...I was just so messed up...I wasn't even AWARE of the fact that i HAD an appointment.
My moods were unpredictable...(and often explosive).
I had isolated myself from my friends and other loved ones...except for the people that I could borrow money from.....and...I only kept in touch with them when I needed money....nearly all of my relationships were strained.
I was irresponsible at my job.
I was full of anxiety...constantly.
I neglected my health.

Ya know...there wasn't ANYTHING that I didn't neglect when I was gambling.

Today...I have power over most aspects of my life...unfortunately I don't always USE that power to my full potential...but I have power, should I elect to impose it...(working on that).

But on April 15, 2002....I was powerless over gambling. I was powerless over my shaking hands and I was powerless over my tears. I was powerless over my entire life....and....while I have the power to choose to NOT gamble today.....should I decide to gamble....I will once again find myself...powerless.

There is no doubt in my mind.

1 comment:

Julio said...

I know exactly what your saying, I've seen a few gambling addicts suffer and its a lot worse than most people who have not witnessed it would think. It's also a hard addiction to help someone with because of what it does to their emotional sate, as well as the people around them. Most people that might know someone with a gambling addiction (or any for that matter) and have not seen this persons struggle at its worst, should inform themselves on addictive behavior. This is why the A&E show Intervention is so important. It demonstrates how difficult addiction can be and uses a highly qualified team of specialists to address the core issues. The show really does a great job of showing what it takes to get on the road to recovery for some of the most difficult addictions and how it affects everyone involved. Check out http://www.aetv.com/intervention for more on the show. I’m working to help support the show because I think addiction and recovery are very important topics and Americans need to be informed on them. A new episode airs on A&E every Monday night at 9:00 PM