My Bubble

Gambling was never a social thing for me.

When my husband and I would go to the casino together, he'd always want to sit at the machine next to me..gamble 'together'.

Even before I was hiding my gambling I didn't want to gamble WITH anyone.

When I sat down at a machine....I would instantly relax...put my money in...and everything else would go away.

I have a friend who was in a bar one night playing video poker...she and the bartender were the only ones there....some guy comes in, robs the place at gun point and leaves...she was completely unaware that it occurred. I can easily see how that could've happened.

It would irritate the hell out of me if some stranger would sit at the machine next to me and would try to strike up a conversation...or if the change lady took too long to break my bill...or if i hit a jackpot and had to wait for someone to pay me and there wasn't an empty machine nearby...all of those things brought me out of my bubble...when I was in it...I could see no one..hear no one...everything went away..TIME went away...*I* sort of went away.

So many times we'd go to the casino with a group...it would inFURiate me if my husband wanted me to stop gambling to have a meal with everyone..how DARE he want to spend TIME with me!!! how RUDE of him!!! taking me away from my machine.

On a few occasions, I just flat wouldn't do it...but usually I did..however, I would claim I wasn't hungry...I would sit there COMPLETELY pissed off...and get the hell out of there (and back to my machine) as soon as I possibley could.

back to my bubble.
there was hmmm ?peace? there...it was nothingness...i was numb....in a trance...

I was oblivious.