How did this happen to me?

gambling caught me by surprise.

i was ignorant.i had no idea what was happening.

i ALWAYS gambled compulsively..when i gambled...but...I rarely gambled.

we took the occasional trip to Las Vegas...when gambling came to my town, still, I rarely did it.

Sometimes the family would go...on holidays etc...and always I would gamble compulsively...my husband...my sister in law would sometimes wander around...watch...WATCH?

no way I could watch...not even for a few minutes....then I began going to the casino alone, from time to time.

It wasn't a secret.

It was no big deal...just a little 'fun' (isn't it interesting that most of us refer to gambling as "playing")...I can even remember telling my husband that...I DID have a gambling problem (although, I didn't think it was serious....nor did I believe that anything needed to be done about it)....I remember telling him that...WHEN i gambled...I had a problem...but....I rarely did it...so...it wasn't a big deal.

who knew it was progressive?

who knew that i would begin going more and more often?

who knew that It would begin to consume me...that..even when I WASN't gambling...I would be obsessed with the thought of it...who knew?

it snuck up on me.

Eventually I was gambling too much. I was gambling too often, for too long, and with too much money.

It became a secret….I began to lie.

The thing about compulsive gambling is that people who don’t otherwise make bad choices find themselves doing things they never thought they’d do….things that no-one who KNOWS them would ever think they’d do…it’s because they DiDN’t choose to do something bad…

It was just a little bit of fun…entertainment.

It was slow and subtle..and once I realized that I was in trouble...it was too late to simply walk away...

I was unable.

xo

*Related entries: My addiction evolved and How We Get Addicted


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"One of the most tragic things I know about human nature is that all of us tend to put off living. We are all dreaming of some magical rose garden over the horizon - instead of enjoying the roses blooming outside our windows today."--Dale Carnegie